Ranka knows best
by Dance Away
Summary: Ranka has seen the growing closeness between Tamaki and Haruhi. Daddy's not happy. Not for HaruxTama fans!


Ranka has seen the growing closeness between Tamaki and Haruhi. Daddy's not happy. Not for HaruxTama fans!

I wrote this because I love OHSHC but... I just can't see Haruhi and Tamaki together. No Tamaki! Don't sit in your corner! I still love you! Just not with Haruhi!

Anyway, if you're reading the manga, you know where the story is heading and the only person who can stop the inevitable is Ranka! This is my unfortunate attempt at humour.

Disclaimer: it's not mine and I own nothing.

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"Look Haruhi! That's your Mommy and me at Disney Land! Turns out your mother didn't actually enjoy theme parks but it was so much fun! We had cotton candy and Daddy won Mommy a giant stuffed teddy! Doesn't Daddy look manly and handsome in this photo Haruhi?!"

Haruhi wasn't really paying attention but nodded and mumbled agreements under her breathe at the sound of her name. Ranka's beautiful eyes narrowed.

"_Ha_ru_hi!_ You're not listening to what Daddy's telling you! You're so like your mother sometimes, it scares Daddy! She used to ignore me too. I had to act so outrageously to even gain her attention, as if I wasn't already flamboyantly bisexual in the first place! Look Haruhi! Here's a picture of Daddy dressed as a an emperor at a toga party. Doesn't Daddy look dashing? Well? Don't I?

Ranka began flapping the picture under Haruhi's face, forcing her to look away from her homework to the photo her father was brandishing before her.

"I guess." Haruhi turned back to her work. "I looks kinda like something the host club would do."

Ranka's smile took on an evil tone.

"Well now, I suppose it does. I guess that nasty fat-headed Suoh boy would insist on being the emperor, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, he would. But Dad, he's not that bad once you get to know him. You two just got off on the wrong foot."

"The wrong foot? He wasn't even on his _feet_ when I found him molesting my innocent little Haruhi in front of your dear mother's shrine! Oh Kotoko! I'm so sorry I failed to protect our precious daughter from that lecherous boy's hands! Forgive me!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes. Her father was such a drama drag queen. Then she saw the next photo in the pile Ranka had produced.

"But look here Dad. You've got a photo of Tamaki and I. " Haruhi looked closer and frowned. "You know, I don't even remember this picture being taken. Do you and Kyoya bribe each other with pictures of me?"

"Haruhi! Kyoya is such a lovely young man, he would never dream of bribing someone or taking their photo without permission!" It was with great difficulty that Haruhi refrained from pointing out that that was exactly what Kyoya would do. "And that's not you."

"Oh?" Looking closer, Haruhi was able to make out her mother's darker hair and her father's softer features. "It's you and mom. Oh. _Oh_."

Haruhi blanched at the striking similarity. Ranka's evil smile became wide.

"Isn't it strange how similar that boy is to your Daddy. He looks just like I did when I was a boy. He even acts as gay as me. Doesn't he call you his daughter?"

"Ye-yeah... that is kinda freaky now that you mention it."

"Just imagine if you ever married him! It would be like marrying me! Can you imagine living with a replica of _me_ for the rest of your life?"

All the colour drained from Haruhi's face. She loved her father very much... but not _that_ much!

"I, uh, don't think that's gonna happen. Ever."

Ranka squealed with delight and pulled her into a tight hug.

"That's wonderful Haruhi! Daddy knew you'd see sense. Now go and date those delightful twins!"

"What?!"

"Date them! They're perfect for you darling! Trust Daddy, he knows best!"

"B-both of them?!"

"Of course! What's a little polygamy and incest nowadays? No, it's perfectly fine! Dating a man who could be your father's twin is not okay, but dating identical twin brothers is wonderful! Two for one, it's a bargain darling! I know you love a bargain Haruhi!"

"Yes but... it doesn't seem right..."

"Nonsense! I expect you to confess to them tomorrow morning and no later! Bring them over and let Daddy lay down the law and then spend the rest of your life with double the love!"

"O-okay."

Haruhi confessed the next morning and Tamaki promptly fainted while Ranka cried tears of joy. Mission accomplished.

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Hahaha, I got a little side-tracked there. I was thinking of having Haruhi running off to Mori who is the opposite of Tamaki, or Kyoya because Ranka likes him but then the twins popped up!

Please let me know what you thought. :D


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